


Rain of Fire

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mass Effect 2, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6675517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments after launching the escape pods from the crippled Normandy, Kaidan struggles to stay calm and assess the situation. He is not prepared to suffer such a loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rain of Fire

“Dammit.”

Kaidan cursed under his breath as he twisted uncomfortably in his seat, straining to look through the tiny window that seemed so close but at the same time so far away. He wondered to himself for a moment why they made that window so small, but quickly remembered that this was an escape pod and not some touring cruiser.

He thought someone called his name, but when he glanced around, all he saw were the faces of the shocked, injured, and terrified. Tali remained solemn and silent, like a grief-stricken quarian statue. Liara’s eyes were closed tight and her hands were locked together so tightly that her skin was beginning to discolor. Garrus had his gaze locked on that window as well, though it didn’t seem that his heart was thundering against his ribs the way Kaidan’s was.

There was muffled static coming through his communication unit, but it was quickly drowned out by the dramatic noise and flare of firelight that served as the swan song for the Normandy. A hard lump formed in his throat as he counted back the seconds, wondering if Shepard had had enough time to retrieve Joker and board the last escape pod. His hands instinctively moved to his restraint releases, but before he could free himself to dive for the window, a voice cut through the din.

“Don’t.” Garrus hadn’t torn his eyes from the window, but he seemed to know exactly what Kaidan was up to. “If shrapnel from the Normandy hits us and you’re loose, you might not survive it. We’re going to be hitting the atmosphere of that planet any second now, anyway.”

“Can you see anything? Did they get out?”Kaidan was surprised by the shakiness of his own voice. He wondered if anyone could hear it over the chaos.

A long, painful pause followed before Garrus finally replied. “Let’s hope they did.” While it was difficult to read a turian’s emotions, the way he was riveted to the window certainly suggested that he was worried.

More noise from the communication unit slowly filtered into Kaidan’s consciousness, though as he cupped a hand over his ear to block out the extra racket, the pod was jostled violently and consumed with the roar of entering the atmosphere. It was no use. He ran both of his hands over his face and through his dark hair in frustration as they made the long descent to ground far below. He told himself to keep it together. They’d lost the Normandy and some of the crew, but most had made it out alive. They still had each other.

_We still have each other._

Trembling hands clumsily groped at the controls for the door as soon as the pod’s instruments signaled that the atmosphere and environment were safe. No one dared to get in Kaidan’s way as he burst out from the pod and turned his attention skyward. As the sky seemed to rain fire above with the descending debris, he swallowed hard, knowing now for certain that the Normandy was gone. Had he been in the right state of mind, he would have paid more attention to the danger and try to take cover for fear of being hit with shrapnel from the disaster. As it was, however, his mind was on her.

He gave orders, assigning some to tend to the wounded with what medi-gel they had on hand and others to begin calling for aid. Tali began work immediately, clearly looking for a method to distract herself from what she’d just witnessed, asking for tools and supplies as they began setting up communication using the escape pod as a beacon. They had to find help.

Kaidan paid them little attention. He was scanning the sky with wide, terrified eyes.

When he saw it, he let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. The other escape pod was intact and making landfall. Relief washed over him as he called out over his shoulder, already nearly in a full sprint.

“I’m going to make sure they’re alright.”

The other pod landed further away from their initial location than Kaidan had anticipated, though that certainly wasn’t going to stop him. He had to see Shepard with his own eyes. He needed to know that she’d survived impossible odds for what seemed like the hundredth time. He needed a reason to quell the nagging dread in the back of his mind.

By the time he reached the other pod, he was winded and tired. As Kaidan approached, the door popped open and he could hear clambering inside, another sign that Shepard had successfully avoided disaster yet again. It was the all too familiar bill of Joker’s cap that he noticed first, then his hand, tightly gripping to the frame of the pod. Kaidan was sure that Shepard was simply struggling to help Joker maintain his balance and exit safely. That resilience was one of the many reasons he loved her.

It was as he saw Joker’s face, however, that he realized something was very, very wrong. He was alarmingly pale, save for the red rims of his eyes and expression contorted with pain. Joker all but tumbled out and onto the rocky ground… with no one behind him to assist him in getting out.

“Joker!” Kaidan threw himself forward with intent to help him up, not quite able to wrap his mind around what was happening. He suddenly feared that Shepard was so injured that she was incapable of lending aid. His gaze shifted to the open door as he bent to help Joker up and off of the ground.

“Lieutenant,” Joker choked. “She—“

Kaidan saw only empty seats in the pod behind him. “Wait…” he trailed off, slowly putting the pieces together. He scrambled into the pod as though the commander had simply been somehow overlooked in the chaos of the attack. The emptiness of it echoed with him on many levels. If Shepard wasn’t in there, then where was she? Returning to Joker’s side, his amber eyes moved skyward once more, to the unintentional fireworks show careening across the sky.

Joker was having trouble breathing, or so it seemed, given the strange, wheezing noises he was making. “Oh, God,” was all he was able to mutter between pained sighs.

His own pulse thundering in his ears, Kaidan went into autopilot. He scooped Joker off of the ground and held him in a standing position, carefully as he could to avoid causing injury to the man’s frail bone structure. The two began walking slowly away from the pod, though Kaidan’s eyes continued scanning the sky. She was going to show up any minute, having found some crazy method to protect herself from the blast. She had a special knack for doing things like that. She was a Spectre for a reason. Well, many reasons, truth be told.

“Lieutenant, I’m so sorry,” Joker finally managed to say in the midst of cursing fits and aggrieved mumbling.

A small group of the Normandy’s crew met up with them at some point in the trek back to the starting point where the call for aid was being made. Kaidan lost track of himself and of time as he desperately searched for some sign that Shepard had pulled through. He absently handed Joker off to the other crew members and turned back, as though the commander was simply going to appear, running up from somewhere in the distance to throw her arms around his neck the way she often did when she knew they were alone and no one would interrupt. But she wasn’t there.

Guilt tore at him. Kaidan had followed her order even when he knew she was endangering herself. He should have stayed. He would have ensured that she got into that pod, even if that meant he didn’t make it himself. His heart sank at the realization. Joker’s expression, his reaction, the empty pod… that’s exactly what Shepard had done. Deep down, he knew she’d sacrificed her own wellbeing to be sure that her comrade made it out safely. Of course she did.

He sank lower, knees buckling under the weight of grief and shock. The static that he’d heard… had it been her? Had she been calling to him? Was she dying at that very moment? At last, he tore his gaze from the fiery rain of destruction above and buried his face in his hands. He was sure he wanted to cry, but the devastation and heartbreak were so overwhelming that he couldn’t. His breathing had become deep and erratic, a strange physical reaction to the emotional pain.

He scrubbed his hands over his face many times as he tried to calm himself and think about things rationally. It wasn’t like him to let emotions take over in a time of crisis. He had to step up and make sure that the rest of the crew was safe and that there was a vessel en route to rescue them. Lives depended on him now because there was no commander.

No commander.

Kaidan stared at the rocky ground for several long moments as he mulled over the many meanings of that thought. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he snapped out of his spiral of grief. He jumped at the touch, though he knew it was that of a friend and not an enemy. He’d left himself vulnerable, but it was Garrus who had found him there, crumpled on his knees. The turian said nothing. He simply stared at the horizon in silence, offering a traumatized Kaidan what small gesture of support he could as they both tried to comprehend the events and the numerous repercussions to be had.

Shepard was gone.


End file.
